Booking A Voyage Out Of Darkness

11/11/2005
Esther D. Kustanowitz - Staff Writer

Marathon Sunday in New York City was sunny and warm, with temperatures reaching 68 degrees. As the marathon (an obvious metaphor for New York’s infamous rat race) ran, no one could believe it was November. But the moments of light were themselves fleet-footed; by 4:47 pm, we watched helplessly, as the sun slipped away, abandoning us to the post-daylight-saving time darkness.

In autumn and winter, it’s a literal challenge to find light. Those of us bound to a typical office environment arrive in morning light, luck out if we snag a few sunny minutes midday, and then, after disengaging from desk-side doldrums, commute home in darkness. It is no accident that winter’s holidays — Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanzaa — all center on themes and images relating to illumination. And it is no surprise that people, especially singles, might take the external darkness and internalize it emotionally.

“Since human beings can be emotionally responsive to changes in nature and climate,” Janice Bennett, of DoctorLoveCoach.com says, “the lack of natural light during these same months can exacerbate depressive tendencies.” In some cases, those tendencies can become Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

The National Mental Health Association defines SAD as “a mood disorder associated with depression episodes and related to seasonal variations of light; symptoms may include all of the traditional signs of depression (weight gain, excessive eating or sleeping), and a craving for starchy and sugary foods.” Add the season’s social expectations, Bennett says, and you pile on pressure to be partnered. “Singles look at their social calendar for the coming months and cringe,” Bennett says, pointing to Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas and New Year’s as times when singles constantly ask themselves, “Do I need a date for this?”

Bennett, a clinical psychologist and personal coach, cites some remedies for the “winter blues,” as recommended by Norman E. Rosenthal, the doctor who literally wrote the book on SAD (“Winter Blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder: What It Is and How to Overcome It”). Rosenthal suggests that SAD patients be outdoors as much as possible, try to work near a window and exercise, preferably outside.

Figuratively and literally, the cure for darkness is to find light. Can’t see in the dark? Turn on the light. Suffering the loss of daylight in winter? Sign yourself up for sun. As Rosenthal notes, moving to a warmer climate or, at least, taking a mid-winter vacation to some place sunny and warm, might help.

If I’m “SAD,” I’m clinically undiagnosed; still, I miss the daylight and my tank of energy feels like it has sprung a leak. And having publicly committed to the concept of change for the coming year, I’m making a major departure. At the end of January, I shall overcome thoughts of Titanic and spend seven days of sun at sea aboard a JSinglesCruise. Only a few Caribbean ports short of The Beach Boys’ “Kokomo,” the cruise promises endless food and recreation (which I hope to balance healthfully), carefree relaxation and hopefully, new people to meet aboard a five-star ocean liner named Infinity. I am taking the limitlessness of the ship’s name as an extremely good sign.

No singles trip can promise romance, but JSinglesCruise’s Web site (JSinglescruise.com) does boast of three couples (two married, one engaged) from previous sailings. Cruise owner Helit Edelstein is proud that lasting romantic and platonic relationships form aboard her cruises, and attributes it to cruising’s unique ability to relax participants.

“The darkness that singles can feel in winter can stand in the way of everything,” says Edelstein. “People can feel dark about their prospects and can’t get into a good space, an attitude that affects everything. It’s important to find some sort of light. With a cruise, they can leave their stress at home. They feel the tension of winter melt away, they always have a place to sleep and fabulous meals to eat; they can be catered to all day in a Jewish vacation environment surrounded by great people and not have to worry about anything.” (My big worry? Too much food. But if I don’t get to the Infinity’s fitness center, I’ve only myself to blame.) .

This may not be the Jewish Love Boat, with my bashert waiting for me on the Lido Deck after post-Shabbat shuffleboard. Would it be nice (bordering on miraculous) to meet someone special? Sure. But this trip is more about a great vacation, leaving routine behind to embrace new people and experiences, and getting my sunshine in the dead of winter.

Esther D. Kustanowitz can be reached at jdatersanonymous@hotmail.com.

Esther D. Kustanowitz writes The First Person Singular column, which appears every other week. She can be reached at jdatersanonymous@hotmail.com.